Have You Been Betrayed in Love?
I remember feeling absolutely knocked to my core when I found out an ex didn’t want to be married to me anymore. It hurt so bad I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and almost passed out. I remember the anger that came out of me after I found out he was secretly seeing someone while we were married. This kind of betrayal knocks you to the ground. You think you’re going to die from the pain or wish you would. You are actually grieving the loss of the dream you had for you and the other person. I now strongly believe that it’s for our own good and to ask the question, “What do I need to learn from this?” I learned so many valuable lessons from this situation. On was that I needed to make my husband my top priority in my life. Relationships require constant attention. Notice I didn’t say soulmate. I’m not talking about a needy mate, although they can seem quite needy when we don’t give them attention. I’m talking about paying attention to where the two of you are day to day. Having conversations about the good and the not so good. People seek attention elsewhere when they aren’t getting it from their mate in the way they need it. In my studies with Alison Armstrong, she said that a relationship is not something you tend to every now and then. You create a great relationship by how you relate to the partner moment to moment. This is sooooo true. We get so busy with work and life that we often take our partner for granted and wonder why the are upset with us. Relationships are like a baby. They need constant love, feeding and changing. If you think, “Oh, when I find my love, life will be so easy, always stay the same and we will live happily ever after,” Think again. My mom always said, “Couple who pray together, stay together.” I would add, “Couples who grow together, stay together.” When I met this ex. my lifestyle was one of hating my job, eating poorly, and drinking regularly. Once I started on a healing path, I decided not to drink anymore and gave up sugar. My mate was furious with me saying that when we met I did those things and he needed me to continue to do them or he would pout. Each night I would give in and eat ice cream with him for fear he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. I ended up gaining 15 pounds and becoming depressed. I also became angry. I had no idea I was angry at myself turning against me. This among other things started having me withdraw from the relationship. This is the next thing that I learned from the betrayal situation. Nobody can betray you in a way you haven’t already betrayed yourself. The moment I went against myself was the moment I betrayed myself. Of course he betrayed me. I betrayed myself. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Big lesson learned. I learned never to go against myself again. It has come up in my current marriage and I chose to be true to myself even in a different situation and what do you know, we are worked to solve the issue. He treats me with respect because I treat myself with respect. If you are feeling betrayed by another person, I urge you to stop bashing the other person because you cannot be betrayed by someone unless you have not been true to the whispers of your soul in the first place. Go back and look to see where you ignored the red flags that were there in the beginning because you just wanted to be loved by someone else. Stop blaming them for your hurt. You are not a victim. You don’t have to take responsibility for their act. They are responsible for that with themselves. Know that what they do is not your business. Yes it hurts, and please honor and heal the hurt. I’m saying you will heal when you take responsibility for your part so that it doesn’t happen again. Not trusting again isn’t an option if you want extraordinary love. >There are so many ways to heal from this that I have learned. Maybe I’ll start teaching those. Stay tuned. For now, I am guided to send your beautiful heart Reiki and a healing for betrayal.